


still feel.

by dazesanddoodles



Series: Picnic Portals Is An Important Friendship I Refuse To Sleep On [3]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Stephen Strange, Kind of-, Still, anyway come and get yalls juice, i barely reviewed it oops, i dont know if donna counts as a major character but i tagged it major character death just in case, legit i wrote this over the course of two days right before sleeping, like this was supposed to be angsty but it was kind of an, mainly, so whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-11-02 05:41:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20639984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dazesanddoodles/pseuds/dazesanddoodles
Summary: It was the day. It was raining, which seemed fitting.Is a part of the “Picnic Portals Is An Important Friendship I Refuse To Sleep On” universe but could be read as a stand alone.edit 18.09.2020: this angst is lowkey bad lmao, might rewrite to do the idea justice





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted some donna angst but there’s like none so this happened. have some badly written angst uwu
> 
> oh and also the title has nothing to do with the fic, i was just listening to still feel. by half•alive (highly recommend)

It was the day. It was raining, which seemed fitting.

Very few knew why lately the sorcerer’s smile didn't reach his eyes. Stephen was sitting on the bench of the sanctum’s rooftop garden when he got a message on his phone.

* * *

**better than nick squad**

9:45 AM

just another chris™: hey, do you need me to come with you today?

* * *

The cloak squeezed him in what was likely meant to be a hug and he sunk into it as rain mixed with his tear tracks.

* * *

nerd cowboy wizard: i think i need to go alone this year

just another chris™: okay

just another chris™: you don't have to respond but just know that i love you stephen, and i'm sorry

* * *

The sorcerer softened slightly before putting his phone in his pocket dimension. The wind drew through the garden and Stephen shivered slightly as he picked some lilies. He straightened and took a deep breath before opening a portal to go somewhere he hadn’t dared to visit for years.

He went home.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woop woop have some flashbacks :’)

Stephen stepped out to the grounds of his childhood. He looked to the house before slowly making his way around the back to the forest. As he reached the clearing the sorcerer steeled himself as he was hit with memories of going down that same path years before.

* * *

_ “Stephen! I’m going to the lake! Do you want to join?” Donna. Figured. _

_ The aspiring med student rolled his eyes. “Why would I want to. Seems like a waste of time, Sis.” _

_ His sister sounded slightly disappointed when she popped her head in his doorway, “But Steph, you’re only here for a bit before you’re going back to Uni, don’t you want to spend time with me? It’ll be just like old times! Well, minus Victor since he couldn’t make it.” _

_ If Stephen looked up he would have noticed the frown on her freckled face, however he didn’t look up from his wide array of notebooks and journals. “Maybe later Don, we’ve got the rest of the week to catch up. Right now I have an idea I really need to flesh out.” _

_ She seemed to hesitate in the door before he heard her sigh and as her footsteps became further away he resumed writing notes. He felt slightly guilty but when the backdoor closed he put it in the back of his mind. ‘We’ve got plenty of time to hang out later, it’ll be fine.’ _

* * *

He glances up as he heard the rumbling of the passing storm. 

* * *

_ ‘She's been out for a while,’ Stephen checked his watch and scrunched his nose. ‘Five hours? She's going to miss dinner at this rate.’ He reluctantly pushed out his chair and bounded down the stairs. _

_ “Mum! Has Donna come back in yet?” His mother looked up from the pie she was making. ‘Ooo, apple.’ He let himself enjoy the scent for a millisecond before refocusing on his mother. _

_ The woman tilted her head, “My, I thought you were out with her, have you been here the whole…” she trailed off before panic flashed in her eyes, “Stephen, where is she.” _

_ He started getting worried as he hastily replied, “I don't know, she said she was going to go swimming in the lake or something?” _

_ The sound of thunder lightly shook the house and the light drizzle of the afternoon became a pour. _

_ Beverly Strange frantically tore off her oven mitts. “Stephen, Donna’s been having serious health issues and that's why we've had her in the house most of the time. Why did you think she never visited you in Columbia?” _

_ Stephen froze as it clicked. _

_ “Oh.” _

_ He then sprinted out the door. _

_ “DONNA!” _

_ He strained to hear a response but the intense winds were too loud. “Stephen,” he turned around to face his mother. She looked into his eyes and then her face seemed to age as she just looked tired. “Go. Go find her,” she seemed resigned. Stephen didn't think twice and raced to the direction of the lake. _

_ The wind might have been howling but when he found her everything went dead silent. His sister. His little sister. The one person he promised to keep safe, so young, so full of life, laid there motionless. He almost didn't comprehend what had happened. _

_ But as the sound returned to his ears, he did. _

_ And then he screamed. _

_ After that day he packed his things and moved permanently to New York, only coming back for the service. He glowered as they spread her ashes in the clearing that killed her. He hated the lake. He hated the clearing. He hated rain and thunderstorms. He hated the house and his parents for not telling him sooner. _

_ Mostly he hated himself for never being able to say goodbye. _

* * *

He brushed the old swing set before walking over to the tree. To her tree. He replanted the lilies at the base of it before settling on the dock a few feet away. He spelled a few more lilies to surround the banks of the lake as he draped his legs over the water. The cloak, which was now in the shape of a scarf, wiped at his face and he gave it a watery smile before steadying his breathing and gazing out to the landscape. He closed his eyes.

‘I'm home’


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mostly ghostly?

After a few minutes pulled out a simple gold ear cuff. He waved his hand over it for an enchantment and looked over it once more. As he raised it to his ear, the cloak moved to give his hand easy access. Stephen’s hand returned to his lap and he looked out to the lake before he opened his mouth once more. 

“Hey Donna… I've missed you, and I’m… I’m so sorry.”

.

.

.

.

.

.

“I forgive you.”

**Author's Note:**

> okok so i know this probably had a weird ending but lemme explain my 2am thought process. i got inspired by both stephen canonically being able to interact with bats (his comic ghost dog) and the ‘stephen can see tony’s ghost’ au’s and i just wanted to explore donna’s character so... ghost donna?
> 
> my idea was that he had thought about making something for him to contact her spirit for a while but when he finally mustered up the courage to visit her burial grounds (i’m assuming she had her ashes spread in the clearing since she loved it there) he decided to go through with it.
> 
> also i just fell in love with the idea of a ghost sibling since umbrella academy tbh
> 
> however that might not be everybody’s cup of tea so the ghost thing is in the third chapter, (which is more of a short paragraph) so take it or leave it lkdjdjkdd
> 
> okay that’s it for my nonsense, hope you enjoyed this and tell me what you thought in the comments below! hope you have a nice day and don’t forget to hydrate!! later kiddos :D


End file.
